Top Notch Care

Today, this amazing and talented 70 year old man came in to talk to me. He's the hospital Psychiatrist and since I'm on bed rest, they say he'll be around every so often to chat. He left me with an absolutely happy heart and a huge smile on my face. He regaled me with tales of teaching at Johns Hopkins, we chatted about treating anxiety with acupuncture (which he was ALL ABOUT!) and essential oils, we even talked religion and faith.

The staff here at Aurora Sinai has been absolutely TOP NOTCH. From my entire team of Maternal Fetal Medicine Drs, to the neonatologists, the nursing staff (absolute angels!) to the PT, lab techs, the cleaning crew and kitchen staff. They all are so patient centered and this facility has so many homeopathic and natural medicine options, it's absolutely amazing. They recommend massage therapy and really focus on my entire well-being. I am so impressed with the level of care we are receiving and though I know we are just along on this wild ride, I really do feel like we have control and that saves my sanity.

Looking forward to chatting with Dr. Spiro again, that's for sure!  Even with the craziness, I still feel in control. It's blowing me away!!

Day 6 - Passed!

Noah got an 8/8 today on his biophysical feedback! He's been a little stubborn with tracking on the monitors, but when the true test came, he passed with flying colors. He gets a pass to cook for another 24 hours until the next test. 
Off to nap now 

I was also insanely spoiled today by two girlfriends (Ellen and Sarah) who visited with gifts and food and laughter.   That fills my tank up so much, it's hard to describe how good it feels after a good friend visits. 

Looking forward to celebrating another perfect score with Greg and Gracie tonight!

Baby Steps

I woke up this morning and for the first time in 6 days, I did not cry!  When first waking up this last week, reality hits and before my brain can even process that I'm awake, my body seems to respond on its own and I've woken up basically sobbing, sometimes with anxiety and fear.

Today I woke up, my normal time (5:30 for those night owls) and not one tear.  I got up to go to the bathroom, laid down and was able to lie still in the darkness without the emotional flood forcing it's way out of me. 

That's a small victory today.  It starts my day off in a way that shows me I'm strong enough to do this. 

I know it must feel silly to those who have never been on bedrest.  Like I'm making a big deal out of something that should be easy.  This is the most terrifying and awful thing Greg and I have ever been through, without a doubt.   We are strong enough and we have our family, faith and love to get through it.  Noah is worth this and so much more.   But it's crazy hard. 

This morning is a victory. 

Thankfulness

To keep my focused, I'm trying to constantly remind myself of all of the things I'm thankful for.

Tonight, I got to Skype with Greg and Grace and just being able to 'be' there was amazing.   Grace is really good at Skyping since we do it with Greg when he travels for work.   I was able to get virtual kisses and snuggles as well as act silly and just have FUN together.   It really felt like I was right there with them for a minute.   I even got to talk to Max the cat.  I miss them so much but this made it almost okay.   And it was nice to talk to Greg face to face without one of us having to make sure Grace wasn't getting into something she shouldn't, like my IV line or playing with my bed.  :)   She was there, in our home, where she is comfy and calm.   AND, all the parents out there will appreciate this, she'll get to bed on time tonight with her normal routine.   Did I mention I got to stare at my husband for a minute?  :)   God, I love that man.  

I'm extremely thankful for Skype.

I'm also thankful for the nurse I had today - Cindy - who made it a point to touch my shoulder or brush the hair from my face.   What a difference those small touches made this morning.   Nurses are a special kind of angel, especially those who take care of you physically, emotionally and mentally.  

I'm thankful for my church family, who I was able to chat with today through a Facebook group we are part of.   They offered love, support and some daily bread.    I know I'll lean on them over the next few months for spiritual support and they're a strong group of women with open hearts and wide open arms.  

I'm thankful for Liz and the awesome Kopps lunch she brought, with a milk shake! And her company.  I felt so centered when she left and almost NORMAL for a minute.  I really felt like me again.

And of course, I'm most thankful that Noah is still an inside baby.  Grow little man, grow!

Let's Break It Down

Okay, so now that I can breath a little and the craziness of the last 5 days has passed, I want to hopefully break this all down so that everyone understands exactly what's going on.    We have had a LOT of information thrown at us, so at times the information going OUT was disjointed.  And it changes too.    

I'm 27 weeks, 3 days pregnant with Noah and early on in the pregnancy he was diagnosed as Asymmetrical Severe Intrauterine Growth Restricted.  

Let me break that down further - IUGR means less than 10th percentile for growth.  Severe means less than 5th.  Asymmetrical means  that his head is measuring larger than his abdomen, which is actually BETTER for his long term survival because it means his brain is getting most of the nutrients.  I can come back to this later this week when I research it more.

They don't always know what causes IUGR.   Sometimes it's chromosomal abnormalities that cause this.  We had blood work that extrapolated my DNA and the baby's DNA, as well as met with geneticists and all of that came back clear.  I had tests to rule out viral infections, my blood pressure has been stable and I don't have any other health issues that were red flags.  Noah has no markers or indicators that he has Down's Syndrome or any other noticeable birth defects.   His lungs, heart, brain and all other organs are functioning and have no discernible abnormalities or cysts.  

Sometimes babies are just small.   We thought this was the case with us because we had no other indicators that anything was REALLY wrong.  Grace was small - born 38 weeks and measured 36.   For weeks, he was growing, albeit slowly, and there were no"ah ha" moments.   Last week Thursday, I went in for my weekly ultrasound and growth scan and it was determined that the blood flow to my placenta is actually decreasing or absent at times.  This was our "ah ha" moment.  And total "oh shit" moment at the same time.   I had an hour to pack a bag and get to Aurora Sinai in Milwaukee, where I've moved in to a long-term stay bed and will be here for as long as God allows Noah to stay inside and grow.  

Daily, I am monitored in a few different ways.   The first 48 hours, I was giving steroid injections and Magnesium Sulfate to boost vital organ function and reduce the risk of preterm labor and Cerebral Palsy.   I was on IV fluids and had 24/7 belly band testing, as well as oxygen, a blood pressure cuff and pulse ox on my finger.  I was locked, loaded and stuck in bed.  :)  

Today, I am down to the daily ultrasounds, meeting with both my doctors and the maternal fetal medicine team and I have non-stress test (belly bands) every 4-6 hours.  Today I got my IV line out and am no longer hooked up to any machines continuously.    Great news!

Every day, when they do the ultrasound, Noah is scored on a Biophysical Feedback Scale of 1 to 8.  The lowest we have gotten is a 6 and he typically gets 8 out of 8.   If he drops below a 6, our risks are elevated.   So each day, I look forward to the ultrasound and dread it at the same time.   I'm sure it will get more routine and less scary, but that's when the what-ifs start to creep in.  He will probably need oxygen and a feeding tube.   The odds that he'll be more than 2 or 3 pounds are slight, but I'm doing all I can to bulk him up.   He's coming in at 1 pound, 6 ounces right now.    I was born at 29 weeks, 2 pounds, 11 ounces.   I've already challenged him to beat that and I know he's working on it.  :) He is our little fighter, ya know.  

Our prognosis is this:

I will not be going home.  The situation is serious enough that I must be here 24/7.

If everything stays EXACTLY like it is today, we have a fighting chance to make it to 34 weeks.   It's not likely but it can happen!

If he drops to daily scores of 6/8, we will deliver at 31 or 32 weeks.    This is realistic.  

If something happens, we deliver immediately.  

Noah will be a preemie.   He will be in the NICU but we will not know the extent or how long until he makes his grand appearance.    Our journey truly has just begun.    

I have a strong faith that God put many wonderful, amazing blessings in place so that when we reached this fork in our journey, we would have the village and the strength to make it through.  When I focus on His love and His plan, I am strong and able.   There are times when I am beaten down, but this is a marathon, not a sprint and I know we will make it through, no matter what.  

If you have questions, please let me know!   All of this is in my head, so I just assume at times you're all inside there too and know what's what.  

Again, your support means the world. You are keeping us strong and sane.   Love you!

Doctor Gracie Is In The House!

Grace brought her doctor kit to the hospital tonight to check in on her favorite patient. She has determined that her baby Noah is just right and that he sounds great. Best Dr. ever!

On Mondays We Rest

Happy Monday!

I didn't get to sleep until around 12:30 last night after my last round of belly bands and vitals.  Woke up at 6am when the MFM Doctor came through on her rounds and promptly fell asleep until 8 am!!  Wahoo!

Had our daily ultrasound right away this morning, Noah scored an 8/8!!!   I'll try to break down all of these testings and whatnot in a post later for everyone. 

I'm on the monitors now and once the MFM comes in for our daily chat, I'm planning on showering and then sleeping some more. Might as well actually rest while on bed rest, right? ;)

Noah Needs Me More

Grace doesn't want to leave the hospital anymore.  She cries and says her tummy hurts and that she has to stay here with me.   She throws her arms around my neck and holds on tight.  Tonight I couldn't keep it in and just started sobbing.  I hate that I can't be strong enough for her.  That she has to see me break down.  She's such a trooper and she just wants her Mommy.   And I want her.  I need her.  I miss her so, so much.  Her sweet laugh, her kisses and her silly personality.

We were able to get in a lot of snuggles tonight - we walked around the hospital and went to a waiting area with couches.   Somewhere other than my room.   That seemed to help a lot and she was more comfortable.   Parent guilt is the biggest hurdle right now for me emotionally.   I can handle the fear, I'm learning to overpower that.    I can handle the changes.   Those are only short term.  But what's going on right now is affecting Grace in a profound way, whether we make it as routine or fun as possible.  She still doesn't have her Mommy at home at night or in the mornings and she needs me.   And I'm not there.   Greg needs me too.  

Above all, we know that Noah needs me more right now and that we are in the best possible place to ensure that we all make it home safe and healthy.    We KNOW that but it doesn't make it hurt any less.  

I have coped with the reality of our situation by saying these things daily:

Noah will survive his birth.   He will be in the NICU for 8-10 weeks.  We will take every day as it comes and he will grow up to be a strong, normal and perfectly healthy son.   Our family is growing and although it's not how we expected, it's okay.  It's only temporary.    Long term, this will only be a blip on the radar.  

I think I need to really start adding in there that I will not be home with Grace and Greg for at least a month.   I am going to miss out on the fall pictures we had planned, the pumpkin farms, the next 30 mornings and 30 nights.    This is our reality.

Noah needs me more right now.   It's not about me.

This week will be a week of working on being stronger for everyone.   For mentally processing what's causing so much heartache and for really focusing all the positive and good energy we have around us into growing this little guy.  

Today was tough.   We'll have tough days, I know this.  But tomorrow will be better.   Tomorrow has to be better.  

Practice makes perfect

Noah took practice breaths today!  Big milestone and shows he's bulking up those muscles for when he makes his grand entry.  Very happy Momma. 

No changes in blood flow, so same bat time, same bat channel. 

More routine blood work today and the usual monitoring. 

Greg and Grace are coming up soon, can't wait to see them. :)   And a Packers win, life is good!!!

Sunday, Sunday

Enjoying the view today!  Looking forward to an ultrasound soon (love seeing pictures of Noah!), lunch, Greg and Grace coming up and hopefully a Packers win today! 

The notes, the visitations, the gifts, the outpouring of love:  it keeps us going.  This is probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life.  It's easy to get sucked into the fear and what-ifs and your love and support seriously keep all of that at bay, you keep my tank full and keep me going.  Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!  Keep those prayers coming please!

Ache.

I wake up, forgetting where I am and then all of a sudden it kind of crashes back into me. Why I'm here and what we are up against.  I have to remind myself that today I am still pregnant and Noah is safe.  I wonder if I'll get used to this...

Who Knew Bed Rest Was Exhausting?

Today has been a whirlwind.   I got a great night's sleep and was able to wake up feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day.   On top of that, I got new sheets and took a 20 minute hot shower, my first in 3 days.  (yikes!) 

I have a new accessory - special leg blower-upper-thingies to keep me from getting clots while I am on bed rest.   The good news is that I can get up, within reason, and walk around, so I get a break from them.  :)  But I have to have them on while I'm in bed.  Remind me to paint my nails when I get a breather! 

I had a nursing student shadowing me today for most of the day, so things were BUSY.   Sarah and I hit it off really well and she even came back later to meet Greg and Grace.   Looking forward to seeing her back here throughout my visit (I'll need to get a picture!)  She has to do a case study on a high risk, long term stay patient and the poor thing drew the short straw. ;)  (Really, she's an absolute angel and we were instant friends)

The ultrasound tech came in this morning and spent a long time going over things - I was getting worried because she was having trouble getting some shots she needed.  Specifically she couldn't get him taking practice breaths.  But she assured me it's not abnormal for a 27 weeker to NOT do them all day long. 

Later on, the MFM Dr. came in and while he wasn't all smiles, we didn't get any BAD news.   Noah is still not getting the blood flow he needs, but it has increased some.   They feel it's because of the steroids and similar to getting a false-negative.  It's GOOD that it's increased but it's not sustainable.  He also gets tested on a scale of 1-10 every day.   Yesterday he was an 8 and today he is a 6.  That's... okay.  But again, not sustainable.   But the good news is that he is still okay to stay put.   Even if it gets WORSE, he can stay put until they say it's time to take him.  They'll increase the amount of ultrasounds and monitoring we do and then take it hour by hour.   

But for now, he's staying put.   
The four of them came up and brought me hope, friendship, love and good cheer. They also spoiled me today with donuts, Kringle, bagels, flowers and gifts. My tank was full once again and just having them here helped more than words can express.   Please excuse my silly faces. Ha! 

The best part of my morning was a visit from four special people.   This weekend is little Owen's first birthday party.   As a surprise, our friend Amber was flying up from Texas with her daughter Madelyn so that they could surprise Owen's momma Bridget.  (Follow me?)   Little Madelyn is just over 6 months old now and her Wisconsin family has been dying to meet her.  Little did we know I'd be here in the hospital at the same time.  Talk about being a huge blessing just when I needed it.  Amber has always brought peace to my life, she's a huge calm in the middle of any storm.  And Bridget?  You just know she'll always take care of you and she's got this huge, amazing heart and always just knows the right thing to say or do to make you feel special - she always seems to know what's in my heart as well.   

Greg brought Gracie up tonight too! This weeks has been an extra blessing because starting next week, we decided that they'll only come up on Tuesday, Thursday and the weekend to try and stick to the best routine we can for them both.  We'll Skype every night and talk on the phone.  This way, no one burns out before the really tough part comes; the NICU stay.  Greg brought up clean clothes, my favorite foods and bags for hot tea.  AND my doTERRA oils, which are MUCH appreciated (and already being put to good use).  And we all got some family snuggles in and ordered take out.  My heart broke once again when they left, but I know that each goodbye will get easier and won't hurt as much.  Greg's doing an amazing job taking care of her and I know he's got a huge support system already in place to fill in the cracks and give him a break when he needs a breather.  

While my spirits are good today, it was a tough one.  I miss Greg and Grace and they've only been gone an hour.  I'm feeling raw and vulnerable today.   Tomorrow brings new hope and a fresh start.   We will stay the course and plow ahead.   We both know that God's plan is a good one and that we have the prayers of many lifting us up.  Monday or Tuesday, we hope to meet with the NICU team once again and talk transitions - for both Noah and myself, as I'll be recovering from a c-section.  We'll hopefully have a heads up on how to prepare the house for bringing home a preemie too.  All of that is just details and it can all wait, but I think just talking through it will ease our stress and anxiety.

To leave you on a happy note, I was spoiled again today - this time by Aunt Kat.   Check out these beautiful flowers and her touching instructions.  :) 

My view is this now - and while I'm looking forward to watching the leaves change, I'm sad that it means I will miss out on the pumpkin farm and fall family photos we had planned.   But Noah is worth every sacrifice we make now.  He'll have YEARS of falls to take photos with and go to the pumpkin farm with.  And I'm sure Greg will take lots of photos when he takes Gracie.  

And since we still have an inside baby, life is good!  

Love you all! 

New Digs

I'm officially in my new digs!

I'm at Aurora Sinai in Milwaukee, Labor and Delivery, Room 237.

This is my home for hopefully the next 5 weeks (possibly more if I'm here for the NICU stay).

We are 27 weeks today!!!  Per the NICU Doctor, he has a real fighting chance if he comes now for survival.  He will be on breathing and feeding tubes but I will be able to breastfeed (pump) and stay with him for Kangaroo care.  He will most likely be in the NICU until around when he would have been 40 weeks. 

The steroids and magnesium have decreased his odds of cerebral palsy and brain bleeds, our biggest risks. 

Keep those prayers coming, we need this little guy to stay put until 31 weeks for sure!  4 more to go! (Which reminds me, anyone have a calendar I can use? If like to check off days)

You guys are amazing. Love you all!

Update: 9/26/14 3:30 PM

Great ultrasound today - baby is steady, no decrease in blood flow, steroids are helping, Magnesium Sulfate is working, he's staying strong in there! Every day will be a new day for us - and every day we hope that he will continue to grow, that his blood flow remains the same and that my body cooperates. Lots of smiles today from the Maternal Fetal Medicine team. I'm off all IV's for now, no more 100% round the clock belly band monitoring (those will go on every few hours for 30 minutes at a time) and I'm being moved to new, more semi-permanent digs! I am being moved to a new room later today - a long term room - looking forward to officially settling in, getting settled and making that my new home for the next month or even TWO! 

A lot of people have asked to come visit and I LOVE THAT! Let me know when you're free because I'd love to see you. People have asked what to bring - anything food related is good (snacks, gum, mints, stuff like that) or even lunch/dinner if that works out. Things like magazines, puzzle books, etc. All of that is really appreciated! Kids/babies are super welcome. Visiting hours end at 8pm. People have also asked about bringing Greg meals - I know he's okay right now, but I also know he'll need food eventually when taking care of Grace, back and forth between home and here and still working full time catches up to him. Thank you for feeding my family and taking care of them. That means SO MUCH to us, and to me, it's peace of mind knowing that they are being nourished in all forms. Grace is continuing to go to Becky's during the week, so she has a great sense of normalcy (other than me not being home).

If any of my crafty friends want to teach me to crochet, I'm super interested! (and a captive audience).

Two words, thank you, are not enough. Bless you, thank you and we love you.

Much To Be Thankful For

God knew I had a rough journey coming - and He seriously paved the way by putting so many things in place that all led up to this. Greg just got a huge raise at work, we just got a ton done around the house. Hard days are ahead but seriously, there is so much to be thankful for!

I'm headed to bed to catch up on the sleep I've missed, especially while hooked up to 5 different machines and under checks every hour on the hour. I'm free of constraints tonight and leaving my worries on the counter to pick up and address tomorrow.

Thank you for your love and support, it's truly carrying us forward through it all.

Love you, Missie

This is my normal day :)

Hi everyone  This is what I will be doing most of my days here while the baby grows! Did I tell you I get dessert with EVERY MEAL?!? Sweet!

The Diagnosis - How We Arrived Here

So now that I'm here, at Aurora Sinai in Milwaukee, in a long-term care room, my new home away from home for the foreseeable future, let me tell you how we got here.  I am on bed-rest (within reason, I can walk around freely but must take it easy).

My pregnancy started off normal - REALLY normal.  No major morning sickness, only one HG flare up that landed me in the ER for fluids.  But the baby measured small throughout my pregnancy.   Eventually we had a growth scan and it was determined that he was less than fifth percentile for growth.  He was officially Severe Intrauterine Growth Restricted. That means a few things: More than 95% of babies at that gestational age are bigger than he is.  t can be caused by a few things - he could just be small - or there was something wrong. 

Something was wrong.  For the next 3 weeks, we did weekly Doppler ultrasounds at a hospital 20 minutes from our house.   

This week, there was a red flag - blood flow to and from the placenta is not what it should be.  We now can 100% say that this is what's causing him to be so small.  It's what's called "absent bloodflow" and it's pretty dang serious.  It means that not enough blood is getting to him or his organs, which can cause his organs to fail if it gets worse.  Not good.  Or even worse, he could go into heart failure and die.  So we are here, under constant care, in the best hands possible.   Each day we will have an ultrasound.  And each day that he shows no decrease in blood flow, we will continue on.  If and when that changes, we will talk delivery. He won't improve - we just have to basically wait for him to show signs of distress - and hope that it takes WEEKS to get there.  

I met with the NICU Doctor today.   He has a slightly less than 90% chance of being totally okay.   That means he'll survive, but he will have to stay in the NICU and he will have to have a breathing and feeding tube until 34 weeks minimum.   Right now we are shooting for 31 weeks, but realistically he can come at any time.  
This is where I'll update everyone on our progress.   A place I can also share our thoughts and fears and hopes, so that the next person who goes through this, knows they aren't alone.   

This was my Facebook update for everyone this morning - 

Good morning everyone! Thank you for all the messages, wall posts, texts and calls - I'm trying to return them all! Last night was rough. It took me a while to calm my mind enough to sleep. I'm here until he arrives (unless that changes and there are drastic changes).

We officially have placental insufficiency due to cord blood not properly flowing as it should. So here I am.  I am 26w6d today and our goal is to get to 28 weeks and then ultimately 32 weeks. I won't go any further than that because the risk is too high.

Today I'm meeting with the entire team of MFM Dr's as well as having additional Dopplers and growth scans done. Then off to tour the NICU and meet with the staff there. They did the first of 2 steroid injections yesterday along with magnesium sulfate (that stuff is no joke) to help with brain and lung development.

I am trying hard not to be terrified and honestly my mind is clear and my heart is full of hope. He will be okay, he's a fighter and we have the prayers of many lifting us up and we are in the best place possible. He's looking REALLY good on the monitors and my body seems to be doing most of what it should. He likes to run away from the nurses when they adjust the monitors. Or he kicks them.  (That's our fighter!)

I'm on a 24 hour urine catch and then I'll be off the IV and more mobile. They're going to stop the 24/7 belly band testing too today, I think, so I can get up and move around without having to unplug 4 different things. 

Greg and I will continue to update everyone as we can. We are so blessed!

Is there such thing as a normal pregnancy?

Our daughter Grace was conceived 100% by chance and God's planning. About 7 months prior to our wedding, I started taking Lupron injections for my Endometriosis.  Lupron puts you into a fake menopause and allows your body to heal and stops lesions from growing on your uterus.  Shortly after, I took Provera to start my period and Clomid to ovulate.

We weren't trying but we certainly held no illusions that I could even GET pregnant.  A month after we were married, I found out I was 1 month pregnant.   We were both terrified and over the moon.   Grace is an amazing ball of fascination and wonder, kindness and compassion, sass and spunk, all rolled into a tiny little 2 1/2 year old body.

She was born in the middle of a blizzard at 38 weeks.   She was IUGR but just barely.  She came out 5 pounds, 9 ounces and has surpassed all milestones.   She's amazing and just an absolute joy in our lives.  

My pregnancy was very eventful.  I had Hyperemesis Gradivarium which is a severe, life-threatening form of morning sickness.   I spent a lot of time hooked up to IVs, getting fluids.  I ate an awful lot, but nothing really stayed put for months.  By the time it let up, I developed Preeclampsia, where my blood pressure skyrocketed, I swelled up like a balloon and my placenta started to revolt against me.  I didn't know any better, being my first pregnancy, so I was just kind of along for the ride.   We got a healthy baby out of it, so that was amazing. :)   And worth every ER trip and then some. 

When we found out we were pregnant with Noah, I was really worried we would have a repeat pregnancy, but at least we knew what to expect.   What we got was much different than we'd bargained for.  I'll tell you that story shortly, I'm headed off to bed for the night.  It's a wild ride, but it's an incredible journey! 

The hardest thing, so far.

That was hard, saying good night and good bye tonight to Grace and Greg.  My brother brought my nieces and we all had a great visit but you can see the toll that these changes are taking on Grace already.  And Greg too.  He's terrified and stronger than ever at the same time.  We don't get time to talk because one of us is working or taking care of Grace or headed to an ultrasound or going into a meeting with a specialist.  And when they're here, it's only for a short time and Grace is our main focus.  I'm hoping that the weekend will bring more time - time for Greg and I to connect and although we're tackling the big things and on the same page, I want to be there for him emotionally as well.   He is going through this just as much as I am and watching them walk away, knowing he's hurting and struggling to keep it together is killing me.   I know he's got this and I know he'll take care of everything and more.  But everything is different now and we haven't yet reached our new normal.   I cried when they left, but not until they were half way down the hallway and couldn't hear me.  I watched them walk hand in hand, Gracie holding on the railing, going home to try and get back into the natural rhythm of things.   It's been a lot of late nights.  We'll be okay, but tonight was hard.

For this child, we have prayed.

When I try to find the words to know where to start as I bring you along on our journey, I keep coming back to the Facebook announcement we made, sharing that all we'd prayed for had come to be.  I hope you don't mind that I'm sharing that with you now.  I think it's the best place to start.  

I'm Missie.  I'm 32, married to an amazing partner in crime and we have a 2 1/2 year old bundle of amazing joy named Grace Elizabeth.   I type this from my hospital bed at a hospital 45 minutes from our home where we will journey together, day by day, to bring Noah into this world hopefully 5-7 weeks away from today.  Every day will be a battle for he and I and I thank you for coming along on our incredible journey with us.   

Here is where our story begins...  

The past year, I have cried tears of hopelessness, of failure and of anger. Month after month, I felt physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted. I rallied against God and cursed His plan for us. I thought to myself "we try to be GOOD people and great parents, why can't we have another baby?" I rejoiced when my friends conceived, but inside I broke a little more with every announcement. I KNEW our child was up there, somewhere... right? Through the injections, the pills, the blood tests, the charting and temping, I lost a little more hope every day. I was on the last round of a certain fertility medication I could take in my life time and it was time to just let go.

Finally, I sold and donated a bunch of Grace's clothes, got rid of things that were cluttering our home and also mentally clogging me up. I started accepting God's plan and was finally at peace with being a family of 3 forever. Besides, having a baby in December, around Christmas, being pregnant on an up coming 10 hour car ride to Nashville, not being able to play co-ed softball - pregnancy would get in the way of all that. And I'd just bought 3 new pairs of amazing (and spendy!) jeans that fit me like a glove. Nope, not a good time for a baby. And the fact we even got pregnant with Grace was a miracle. Besides, she is pretty awesome, why screw up a good thing?

"Man plans, God laughs".

The day I gave away the last of my holdout baby items, I put Grace down for a nap and took the requisite monthly pregnancy test. When 2 little lines appeared, I fell to my knees, praying and thanking God for His crazy, wild, inconvenient plan. I was shaking so hard and could barely walk to the couch to sit down. A baby? It worked? We're actually having a baby? We are having a baby. WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!!!!! 

Baby Mauldin #2 will join our family sometime around Christmas this year. We are beyond excited to become a family of 4 and I cannot wait for Grace to have a little brother or sister. "For this child, I have prayed". Never give up, keep going and join us as we thank God for our miracle children.

We’ll find out if it’s a boy or girl sometime in August.  Grace just sings the Baby Bumble Bee song, so I'm convinced she thinks it's got wings.