Struggling with my faith.

Noah is doing REALLY WELL!! The prayers are working.  Please, please keep them coming.

He's breathing room air now, off 90% of his tubes/wires/monitors and he'll start breast milk this coming week.

God is SO GOOD.

Our pastor is featuring Noah in his sermon tomorrow.  It's a blessing that God is working through Noah. 

I'm spiritually having a hard week.  Just struggling with the "this is hard and I'm feeling sorry for myself and angry at His plan" itis.

Noah needs to be in the NICU, I'm 100% on board with that.

But I'm struggling because I want to hold him more, have him here with me, I want to get up in the middle of the night with him.  I want to care for him, raise him, snuggle at all hours of the day with him.

There are many blessings being in the NICU, I see them daily.  I'm thankful he's alive, that's an absolute miracle in itself.  But I am having trouble letting go of my immediate needs and wants.

I know God wants us to lament - that it brings us closer to Him, rather than creating indifference.  But I feel guilty questioning His plan when His blessings have been amazing and bountiful.