I see you.

The Huffington Post recently published this narrative, titled "NICU Parents, I See You". - http://huff.to/1tIbdp0

I identified so strongly with these parts, I wanted to share and expand on them. 

I rush up daily to get there in time for cares, as they are called.  I used to take the time to get ready in the morning and realized quickly that it took more time away from Noah than it was worth.  So now I head up in my comfies.   But I rush up there daily so that I can change his diaper and do his cares.  We then do an hour or so of kangaroo care. 

The terminology is mind-boggling.  PICC lines, Andersen tubes, NEC, grams to pounds conversions, it all overwhelms you at times.  Luckily our neonatologist is patient and makes sure we understand completely before he moves on.  

I'm also Noah's advocate, so it is my job right now to make sure that he's getting the best care possible.  I pushed for him to start on breast milk and it was what caused the swelling in his belly to go down.  I pushed for kangaroo care as soon as possible.  We respect our team but I also advocate for him whenever possible.  There's something to be said about a mother's instincts.  

Doing cares amidst all the wires brings it's own set of challenges.  You figure it out, but the first few times are awkward and nerve-wracking.

I've said many times that I don't see the tubes, the wires, the mess.  I see this perfect little boy who has stolen my heart.  I love every inch of him, no matter what he's attached to.   

Pumping at the NICU is both great (I don't have to plan pumps around when I'm home!) and really hard.  You aren't home, you're working out of a bucket of pump parts and you are pumping with curtains closed and people all around you.  But you're pumping next to your little miracle and that makes it worth every second.  

I get to hold him for an hour a day.  When Greg and I go together, we split the time between us.  Every precious minute counts and we hold on to him until the nurses tell us he has to go back in his isolette.

Other NICU moms - I see you.  I carry you in my heart with Noah and you're in our prayers at night.   We understand that we are the lucky ones.  Many who came before us don't get to take their children home, hold them every day or even stare deeply into their child's eyes as they wake up for cares.   We are the lucky ones.  The blessed.   We see you.