Grow little man, grow!

Baby Noah is doing really well.  We got some awesome news yesterday - his head ultrasound showed NO BRAIN BLEEDS!  This is such a huge relief as brain bleeds are really common in IUGR preemies.  God is so good!

His heart murmur is intermittent and he still has a lot of gas in his tummy, but he should be able to start on breast milk later this week. 

Awesome job little man!

AND he's now weighing in at 1 pound, 11.9 ounces.  That's a gain of 1.9 ounces in 9 days.   Hooray!! 

A Progression

I was looking through the last week's worth of photos and thinking that although it's not obvious from the pictures, I can see how much Noah has grown in the last week.  His skin has a better color, he looks stronger and I can see his ears starting to look more formed and solid.  I'm not sure if it's that we are more confident (we are, I know that) or that he has actually grown stronger.  Maybe a little of both?  

Here are a few of my favorite pictures from the last week.   

Top picture is 27 weeks, bottom is 30 weeks.

 

Day one - breathing room air, no vents, but working really hard!  Noah is acting like a 30 week baby, but since he is so small, we aren't sure how his organs will perform or if his body is strong enough.   

Day two - moved to the CPAP vent.  This allowed him to rest and burn calories growing instead of trying so hard to breath.  His little body is overworked and he can't relax. 

Day three - No real changes.  Still a wait and see game.  He's on Billi lights for jaundice.  We can't touch him much because it causes him to get too worked up.  Noah still has tubes in his belly button for eating and monitoring blood pressure and blood gasses.  

Day four - Noah was put on an oscillating vent and given a blood transfusion.  He was also given Fentanyl to calm him down since he was fighting his vent.   They gave him Surfactant for his lungs, to help keep them malleable and easier to open.    Breathing is hard work and takes a lot of energy.   

Day five - blessed relief.  Noah is stable and back on a regular vent.  He was able to get one line removed from his belly button and received his PICC line, which is a type of central line.  

Day six - we got our other belly button line out!  The Dr's noticed a few things today.  Noah has a heart murmur they feel is caused by a duct not closing, a condition known as PDA.  Also, Noah is pooping okay, but not passing gas, so it's all building up in his belly.  He can't have anything to help with the PDA until the gas is passed.   Toot little man! 

Day seven - I'm a week old!   Off all vents, only the gas tube and his PICC line in!  And Mommy got to hold me today for a full hour, it was amazing! 

 

Day eight - I am still struggling to pass gas and my heart murmur is still there, but the best thing happened today too!  Daddy was able to hold me for the first time!  

 Now we wait and pray.   Each day brings new blessings and new challenges.  God's plan is just, kind and wonderful.   I will try my best to stay out of His way and let life happen as it should.   Keep those prayers coming! 

Daddy's Turn!

Our visit today was filled with more good news, our Pastor and a lot of praying and Greg got to hold Noah!

Noah had an awesome night.  He has all tubes removed from his umbilical cord and is off the Fentanyl!   So many positive steps towards his journey home!

Our amazing Pastor came up to pray with us, bless Noah and meet him for the first time.   It was a pretty emotional experience for us all.   We're so blessed to have Pastor Mark and his wife in our lives.  Our church family is the best!

It was Greg's turn today to hold Noah.  Watching my boys together like that felt almost as good as me holding Noah.  Almost. :)  Noah immediately relaxed and snuggled into Greg's chest.  They sat there for a good hour, just bonding and chatting. Pretty amazing.

Snuggling with my Daddy really relaxed me!  Time to catch some more shut-eye.

This is what miracles look like.

Tonight I held Noah for the first time.  He is 6 days old today, born at 30w3d, weighing 1 pound, 10 ounces.  He was less than 3%, SIUGR.

He is off the vent, off CPAP, on room air on the cannula, just got his PICC line in yesterday and is surpassing every milestone set in his path.

He raised his head up, opened his eyes and looked straight at me.  His heart rate settled and he settled into the best breathing rhythm I've seen since he's been in the NICU.  He let out the biggest, most content sigh and just melted in my arms.

After only touching him with our fingertips for 6 days, holding him to my chest, feeling him breath in and out on his own and calming his small cries through my touch and closeness was an absolute blessing.  He now knows my heartbeat from inside and out.

Best thing in the entire world!  I wanted so badly to do skin to skin with him after he was born and I knew we wouldn't have the ability to do that for quite a while.  But feeling him breath tonight took away all the pain and heartache of the last month.  The scary moments are so small now compared to the feeling of his skin on mine. What an incredible experience this has been.

Thank you for letting me share this with you. I know it can get old to hear of someone's journey like this, day and and day out, and it's all I talk about lately.  You all have been my rocks through this and your support and kindness still carries me on the dark days.  (I see the bags under my eyes and know they would be much worse without you all).  Thank you for caring about me and my family!

This is what miracles look like.

I get to hold him!!!!

In about an hour, the most amazing thing is going to happen.

I get to hold Noah for the first time!!!

He's off the vent, on the cannula and we are going to do some much needed and anticipated Kangaroo care!! 

On top of that, Preemie Prints will be here today to take Noah's picture!  What an amazing day for that to happen!!!!!  

Blessed, excited and so thankful.

These Angels

Both of my children are miracles.  They are beings who we never thought could truly be reality.  We were never sure that holding one child in our arms was a possibility, let alone two.  

This song personifies every feeling in every fiber of my being.  My children are angels, sent here to save me.  Especially after having them both taken from my body in such an almost unnatural way, this really resonates with me.   I truly was broken open and both Grace and Noah have brought so much hope to our lives.  

"This Angel"

Jennifer Nettles

Who is this angel, sent here to change me, 

sent here to take me where I've never been? 

Long I have wandered, weary and waiting, 

For something to shake me and life to begin. 

Holy water from my own veins, 

come and save me where I lay. 

All this longing for beauty unnamed. 

It has broken me open to welcome the hope that you bring.

Can you hear me calling, come let me hold you. 

Naked and falling into my arms 

with every breath in my body, the sweetest surrender 

is losing myself in all that you are.

Holy water from my own veins, 

come and save me where I lay. 

All this longing for beauty unnamed. 

It has broken me open to welcome the hope that you bring.

Holy water from my own veins, 

come and save me where I lay. 

All this longing for beauty unnamed. 

It has broken me open to welcome the hope, 

it has broken me open to welcome the hope, 

it has broken me open to welcome the hope that you bring.

PICC Line In!

Mighty Noah got his PICC line put in today. He wanted to match his Auntie Kat! He's one step closer to having the belly wires removed and a feeding tube put in.  Once that happens, we can hold him and do kangaroo care!!  He had a great day today and is improving.  We'll know more about the heart murmur tomorrow or Tuesday.  Thanks for your prayers today, please keep them coming!

Love, gratitude and strength. Blessed.

Leaving and coming home; without balance.

This was a day unlike any other.   I'm going to call it an onion day because it had so many layers.  

Layer one - leaving the hospital.   It's exhilarating and exciting and terrifying.  This place is safe.  It's become normal to me.  I miss my nurses.   I miss the ease of walking down the hall, albeit slowly and painfully, to the NICU, which was so close.   I miss water and snacks being a phone call away.   Asking Greg for it is, well, it's different.  I have become a burden in my head, which is not true to him, but in my head, it somehow made sense.  


Layer two - leaving Noah.   This is both an easy thing to do and excruciatingly painful.  He's in the best hands possible, but he's also my baby and I'm leaving him behind.  I'm heading home to the family I love, but it's not complete without him.   Now that I'm home, I miss him like crazy. My heart is both with my family at home and Noah in the NICU. I know this is our reality for the next few months. I'll be so happy when my entire family is under one roof.  I miss him with every heartbeat.  

Layer three - reentering the world.  Cars, loud noises, the highway, coming home.  This was almost overwhelming.  Everything seems LOUD to me.  And just sensory overload.  I miss the quiet of my hospital room.   The order, the schedule, the predictability.   I am not ready to drive, that is FOR SURE.   

Layer four - reentering our home.   The house is the same but so different.  I am not sure where I fit into Greg and Grace's new normal.  I don't know what my new normal is.  I felt like I was in the way the first night.    I cried almost the entire evening.    I cried to my online mom friends who have been my rock throughout this - the NICU warriors who have gone before me and have adopted me in as one of their own.  I let out my anguish and heartache and they listened and calmly told me it would be okay.  I felt as though the world had moved on and I was left behind.  And now I was trying to find my place again.   Greg has reminded me about a million times that I am NOT a burden and that me coming home fixes things, it does not make it worse or break up something better than we had before.  

Layer five - Grace.  Tonight as I put her to bed for the first time in over a month, she whispered "Mommy, I sure am glad you're here to snuggle with me".   She's snuck out of her room and into our bedroom 4 times with some excuse or another, but ultimately she just asks for a kiss and hug, smiles really big and then runs back to bed.   She's so thankful and happy that I'm home and every day is filled with "oh, yeah, you're really here" moments that make me so happy to be home.    But there's this odd feeling too - like I picked her over Noah.   I am torn between my two children and I cannot pick them both at the same time.  Not yet at least.   I'm not sure how I'll get used to this or if I will just always feel like this when it comes to my kids.   

Layer six - recovery.  Being a NICU mom, I don't have time for the normal postpartum symptoms you normally go through.  And I keep acting as if I'm still pregnant - I wake up on my back and think "oh no, he'll decelerate if I lay that way!". Or I rub my belly, still thinking I'm pregnant.  I talk to Noah through my belly some times without thinking.  The night sweats, hormone shifts, exhaustion? I totally forgot about those!  I wake up drenched in sticky sweat and it takes a while to clear the fog from my brain.   The swelling in my hands, feet and face?   Ugg!  The face is almost as bad as still looking pregnant.   Grace swears there is still a baby in my belly.   That's taking some adjusting and I've had a few selfish meltdowns over how I look.    Greg's mom shocked me with a trip to the salon to get my hair cut and eyebrows waxed.   I got 6 inches chopped off and love it!   I felt guilty getting it done but I also feel ready to take on the new days ahead of us.  I feel a little fierce.   I'd share a picture if my face didn't look so fat.  Ha!  

Layer seven - my husband.   I have to remember that we are a team, even if we are taking shifts between Grace and Noah.  Keep the communication open and honest.  We made it this far and have a long road ahead of us. I pray that we will focus on our relationship throughout this journey so that we can stay strong as a couple and hold each other up.   I'm so madly in love with him and thankful that he's my 'person'.   

Leaving Noah was insanely hard once I got home.  I was a wreck.  I am stronger now and I was able to see him today for a good hour.   Greg took Grace to the zoo and then he went up with his dad this evening.   I was worried because I was in charge of Grace and I had to pump and take care of myself too.   But it worked out.   I was able to get done what needed to be done and I even had time to update the blog tonight.   I feel more confident that I can take care of her for short time periods.   I can't lift her up, so there's some restriction on what I can and can't do, but I can at least put her to bed and snuggle beforehand.   

Our new normal is somewhere out there, and we'll discover it soon enough.  Until then, I'm enjoying the time I do get with my family and focusing on the blessings that surround us - I don't have to look hard to find them, that is for sure.   

Life is still filled with blessings.  "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” II Corinthians 12:9

Last Skype Session!

Last Skyping session with Greg & Gracie! Tomorrow I'll be home with them both!!

Looking forward to being home, in my own bed, with my family. But thankful that Noah is close enough that we can spend time with him every day.

Now to figure out our new normal again! Blessed!

Milk maid!

It's CRAZY how my body, even after, having a baby 10 weeks early that it hasn't touched or held or really had close to it yet, knows to produce breast milk and is actually doing REALLY well at it. I got 50 total mls this last pumping session and he's only 2 1/2 days old! (I got 3 mls my first pumping session)

I'm so floored and blessed and thankful for my body. I'm usually just a "feed your kid, however" kind of person, but the ability to bring him breastmilk when I can't really parent any other way is so profound. And such a blessing! I feel like I'm actually his mom a little more since I'm able to do this for him. So thankful!

Some pictures for everyone

At first, I held off on posting pictures of him with all his wires and whatnot.  I didn't want to worry our friends or even scare them, as I know these pictures can be heartbreaking.   I don't see the wires, I see our little man.  I see a baby who is adorable, handsome and full of personality and life.  And I hope you see Noah through our eyes too.

A few firsts

I got to change Noah's diaper today AND he didn't pee on me! (He soaked Judy the nurse last night)

He's doing really well today, vents are down, everything is helping. He's such an inspiring little man and I'm so proud to be his Momma. He has a long fight ahead of him but he's impressing all of his Drs and nurses. He sure is spunky!!!

He held my finger today! The tip of my finger takes up his entire hand. I went to pull it away and he squeezed tighter. So awesome.

I felt like I did a good job being his mom today. Seriously the best feeling ever. My pumping is going well, thank God!

And tomorrow I get to surprise Grace and pick her up from daycare with Greg. She has no idea.

Tomorrow will be the first time I've been outside in over a month! Can't wait to snuggle with my family and wake up in the same house as them!!!!!

Blessings overflow our cups. Keep those prayers coming. You're holding us on your shoulders and days like yesterday are easier because of your love.

Our little thinker

No hand too small.

There is no hand too small to take hold of our hearts. ‪#‎noahsjourney‬

One step back

Last night, Noah was placed on the osculating ventilator and received a blood transfusion due to low platelet counts. He's doing well, but certainly scared the daylights out of his Mom and Dad. Please keep those prayers coming!

We know our journey will be filled with ups and downs. We pray for increased strength in our faith to carry us through these dark and scary days. For patience with each other and the staff who is taking such amazing care of Noah. For good health for both of us as we struggle to find balance between taking care of ourselves, Grace and Noah. For the wisdom to inform our support crew of our needs in a clear way when we aren't even sure of what we need. And for clarity through the fog, that each day we become better parents for Noah and Grace and are able to do what we must to keep him safe and healthy.

Today I am thankful Noah is an outside baby, receiving top level care, that Greg and I were able to sleep 6 hours straight (our first real rest in over 48 hours) and for the love, light and support around us. Noah is amazing, life is GOOD even if it's filled with moments of helplessness and fear. There are also amazing moments in which my heart shows it's capable of loving another child in this profound and blessed way. Moments in which I look at my husband and fall so much deeper in love with him than I ever felt possible. And silly moments where your work family calls and takes your mind of everything with chit-chat and a cookie bouquet!

Love you all. We are blessed.

Our little fighter!

Look at our little fighter! 

Pump and Rest and NICU, Repeat

Noah is doing really well today - I got to help feed him (1 ml) milk that I'm pumping. My body is amazing and producing enough that he's getting what he needs and then some. He's seriously kicking butt.

I'm exhausted and both physically and emotionally wiped out and taking a rest now so that I can continue to help take care of Noah. The NICU staff is such a blessing and really gives him top notch care and love.

The whole family will be up here tonight, looking forward to it. (Need to rest and pump before they get here!)

Thankful for all of your prayers and the support you've offered. I'm being discharged on Friday and will be up here as much as I can. I need to recover though and take it easy. I forgot how tough a c-section recovery could be. Especially when I want to push so hard.

It's day by day right now, we're learning our new normal. But we are so madly in love with our miracle fighter!

Update - Day 1

Good morning everyone! Baby Noah is doing amazingly well! He's on the CPAP machine but breathing room air for the most part. He's small but so very strong. My recovery yesterday was rough, but I'm feeling a lot better today. I'll have more updates as the day goes on.

He's perfect and strong and handsome and such a fighter! We are so deeply in love with him and so blessed.

Thank you all for the prayers and support. You move us to tears daily and keep our spirits high. The next few months will be hard but with your help and God's plan, we will come through this stronger on the other side!

Hello, world. It's me, Noah!

Introducing our little miracle baby, Noah Alexander Mauldin. He was born Tuesday morning, October 21st at 6:40 am,  weighing in at 1 pound, 10 ounces, 13.25" long via cesarean section.  

On Monday, my BPP scan showed reverse flow and over the next 12-18 hours, Noah's heart rate fluctuated to the point where it was safer for him to be on the outside rather than stay put.   It was 1:30 am and suddenly the room was filled with nurses and Drs telling us that we would be delivering at 6am that day.   I was given additional steroid injections, started on magnesium sulfate and told to rest.  (yeah right!)   We were both scared out of our minds and anxious to finally meet Noah.  

He came out with strong cries and is, with the help of a CPAP machine, breathing room air. He's got a long road ahead of him, but he's fighting like a champ. My recovery is going well, painful but well. And I'VE ALREADY PUMPED THREE TIMES! I'm getting 10ml each side, every 2-3 hours and I can feel my milk starting to come in!!!  This alone is a huge milestone, since being 10 weeks early, my body almost has no idea that it just gave birth, other than being battered and bruised.   

We are so madly in love with Noah, it's crazy. So madly in love.  I could not understand how I'd ever love another child as much as I love Grace.   And suddenly, this little man, who we barely know, comes into our lives and we are head over heels in love with him.  He's perfect, spunky and most of all, a huge blessing.   The perfect addition to our family and we are so thankful he chose us. 

Thank you all for your support and love and prayers. You guys. You're amazing!

Deliver - Nope - Yep - Maybe?

Today has been a WILD RIDE. 

Our ultrasound this morning showed reverse diastolic flow.  Coupled with the decelerations we're seeing on the non-stress tests mean that Noah just about made his big debut today.   We're holding off but at this point, he will probably be here in the next few days.  

They restricted me to bed, on the monitors 24/7.  I was able to eat and take a shower, but it sounds like that was the last one I'll have for a while.   

So now we wait.   My emotions have run from absolute fear to relief to anxiety to calm peace.  I know that God's plan is a good plan and that whatever He has planned for us is true and just.   That keeps me going through the fear and uncertainty.  



This is how my Facebook updates read:

I hope this is another false alarm! We have reverse flow on the ultrasound today. Was told by the nurse we are looking at delivery today. Nothing to eat or drink. Greg's on his way, waiting on the Dr to come in with the final call. Scared but praying! Please be okay, baby Noah!!!!!

Thank you Katie Jensen for letting me sob it out and calming me down. I'm more focused now and ready to take on whatever this brings.

Pray for God's plan please. For a healthy baby, an easy delivery and most of all, that this is just a false alarm!!!!! (I'm still in shock/denial)

My spirits are lifted, my heart is filled with hope. We've got this, no matter what it brings. Please keep those prayers and good vibes coming!!

Then:

Looking at 4:30 delivery at this point unless things change. Had a few big decelerations. Waiting for the MFM team to make the final call shortly.

Then: 

Getting steroid shots, but holding off on delivery. Able to take a quick shower and eat. Constant monitoring and it sounds like Noah won't be an inside baby very much longer, but delivery is NOT scheduled for this afternoon unless he takes a turn for the worse. So glad we can hold off, even if it's only for a few hours. Prayers are working!!

Then: 

Since he's under 32 weeks, they're trying to get as much inside time as they can. Hoping that my eating will perk him up. We are hour by hour right now. I'm on the monitors non-stop. They let me shower, I begged, but that's the only time I'm allowed to be off. He could take a turn for the worse at any time right now due to the reverse cord blood flow.  I don't know how in 4 short weeks I forgot how much that steroid shot hurt! Yowzers!



Greg's parents are on their way up with Grace and we're going to eat a big old meal of Sobelman's.   Greg is touring the NICU right now (I am not allowed off the monitors that long, per my MFM) and I'm anxiously awaiting his report.   We joked about Skyping it but that probably violates a million HIPAA laws.  ;)

So now we wait.

Mister Noah, we are anxious to meet you and while we would love for you to cook a little longer, we know that God's plan is a good plan and that you will be taken care of.  We can't wait to hit the ground running as your parents.   And Gracie is certainly excited to show you her room and tell you all about the fun things she has planned for you two.   We love you so much already but cannot wait to fall in love with you and get to know you as an outside baby.  I'm not ready to share you with everyone just yet, but we know we are not in charge.   Be good to your momma, please.  :) 

A bump, but not broken!

So I'm on 4 hour monitoring but NOT delivering today.   They're keeping an eye on Noah but right now it looks like we're maintaining with our new normal.   He had absent flow today and his strips were still kind of flat but no huge declarations and they talked about actually taking my IV OUT completely tomorrow if we do well today.  Looks like we hit a bump but not one big enough to break the car down.  :)   Thanks for the prayers, please keep them coming that he can cook another 3 weeks and 6 days!!!

Still pregnant!

Thankful to still be pregnant this morning!

Doing okay. Ultrasound this morning and more monitoring. Then waiting for the Drs to come in and give us an update. 

But I'm not on constant monitoring, so that's a good sign, I hope!  

I was on the monitors and fluids until about 10pm last night and Greg spent the night. 

Noah was pretty flat again but towards the end perked up enough that I could come off the monitors and sleep.

Hoping Noah has improved overnight!  It sure is nice waking up with Greg here though!!!  I'm sure that couch wasn't comfy.

Prayers needed

Prayers needed.  Little Noah is not having the best day today.  On IV fluids now to perk him up.  His heart rate is solid but not perky/active enough. Not looking at delivery today as of right now but if he doesn't improve, we could be looking at it tomorrow.  I'll be hooked up to the monitors all night now until things improve. I'll keep everyone posted as I know more. 

The Things That Don't Matter

A fellow bed rest buddy and I were chatting today about how being on bed rest really changes your perspective on what matters and what doesn't.  

It really does change how you view the world.   I certainly don't worry about half the things I used to (though my worries are larger now, they won't always be that way).  While here, I don't RSVP to many things, simply because I can't, but I know that moving forward, I will be more selective on how I share my time and my energies.  

I am able to see the friendships that truly matter, the friends who are committed to our lives and with whom we are committed to as well.  It's not just those who visit or send gifts (though those are so appreciated).  It's those who reach out through Facebook, texts, calls and emails.   The ones who don't stop calling, even if I don't answer for a few days.  Those who offer support and love and share their stories.   In the beginning, I had people reaching out who weren't really truly friends.  It was almost as if there was drama happening and they needed details.   But once they had the story, they dropped off and haven't been heard from again.   True, life gets busy, but those who matter, make time.   

This year, my "new years resolution" which I simply called my yearly goal has been to spend more quality time with my family and friends.   To foster relationships and grow a few tall flowers, rather than a field full of short ones.  When I strayed from that, God stepped in and closed doors I was struggling (and unwilling) to close.  And now He has shown me that the relationships I have are more than enough and worth the time and energy I've put in to grow them.   

We are lucky to be invited to a multitude of events - both social and community centered.  From local fundraisers, to birthday parties, to running and triathlon events, in home sales parties and much more.   Every event I RSVP 'no' to, I always feel some guilt.  I think "how can I stretch my schedule to make that work?"  How do I balance trying to help everyone and be everything to everyone at the same time?   As well as focus on my family?  Well, I can tell you that I can't.  I suck at it.  I'm great at it for a minute and a half, and then all my balls drop and I'm only giving 10% to everything and everyone involved.  Eventually God closed a door that allowed me to focus much more of my time on my family and less time on other families, people and STUFF that didn't matter.   What that did was strengthen my marriage and my relationship with friends and family so that we are now a united front and are better prepared for this leg of our journey.  

So as life unfolds and true hearts are revealed, I'm thankful for the great friendships I have, the new relationships that have grown from this experience and for learning what really matters.  I'm also thankful for what came before because I'm stronger now as a result.  I am blessed beyond measure.
   

Noah Update

I realized I've been complaining about me and my feelings but not updated everyone on Noah for a few days.

He's gotten 8 out of 8 on all of his biophysical profiles and has been doing well with practice breathing and swallowing. He flopped over so he's head down, way low and has his arms and legs tucked up under him. He's found a way to kick my back this way which has made for some interesting sleeping positions. 
So right now, we are in a GOOD place. We're in a solid pattern that will allow me to stay pregnant and Noah to grow as an inside baby. He's still looking good to make it to 34 weeks now!

His non-stress test monitoring, where they monitor his heart rate and see if I'm having any contractions, have been okay. He's gotten in the habit of decelerating both suddenly and gradually. The sudden decells, as they call them, can be caused by him rolling on or squeezing his umbilical cord. His body naturally snaps him out of it with a shudder and he'll come back up quickly. The gradual decells are what's preventing me from going home to be on bed rest. It's a symptom of placental ischemia/placental insufficiency (which is what's causing his cord blood issues as well). They are NOT indicative of the beginning of the end or anything like that. Just a symptom that could come and go. It doesn't mean he's getting worse or that we move up delivery. Just one piece of this big puzzle.

We really won't deliver early at this point until we're scoring a 4 out of 8 on the BPP twice within a 4-5 hour period. Or my blood pressure skyrockets to anything over 140/90 twice within a 4 hour period. Once my blood pressure hits that stage, and we know it probably will based on all the signs being there (hopefully not for a LONG TIME), they will do the c/s to prevent distress on Noah and also to prevent HELLP syndrome which is life threatening. Also, if Noah fails to grow at our next growth scan, we'll talk delivery.

Give It Up

A friend just reminded me that rather than trying so hard to be in charge and need to STOP and give it up to God.   She's so right and I really needed to hear that today.  He has a plan - for everything - for Noah, his health, his NICU stay, driving to and from the hospital, the bills, the work balance, the everything.   I need to let it go and remember that I am not in charge.   Thanks Nichole, I truly needed to be reminded of that today.   Instead of focusing on the details, I need to focus on the hope and the light.